Terrible. It does feel like nature's not sleeping so well.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Seeds
Dear R,
I finished reading Geoff Dyer’s Jeff in Venice, Death in Varanasi days ago and I’m thinking back to it. I devoured it and I’m now haunted by it and I’d love to tell you why except I need time. I’m still savouring the aftertaste. There’s a line, though, that I remember: “It made me think that despite what I said about not being lonely here, it had been a lonesome time.” Can you believe that I cried reading these words?! Two things: Christmas (Think “faithful friends who are dear to us, (don’t) gather near to us!”) and hormones. Ha ha ha But seriously, don’t worry about me. I couldn’t have stayed morose, could I? I’ve been feeling good since the start of the year. My hands are full. Life’s good.
And you? How are you? I was so happy to read about that short, wonderful health update. Write me a newsy email next time okay? I’d be happier to get the details about what you’re doing now to keep healthy. Please?
This is probably the mildest winter I’ve experienced since I came here in 2005 and I’m grateful. Last winter was terrible. I remember the darkness descending upon us too soon in October. That was a winter too cold, too long, the grey always threatening to sink in my heart. This is “sweet winter,” indeed, and Ahem, global warming! I shouldn’t really be happy about this, right?
Well, so many things to be unhappy about. Every morning at breakfast, Claude almost unfailingly gets revolted by what he hears on the radio. Yes, he remains idealistic, passionate, high-minded and I admire him for all that. As for me, I’m often tempted to ignore today’s news. Reading about current events can get me all gloomy. You know, I still do it anyway. The litany of ugly things - corruption, injustice, general lack of concern for the environment, health care issues, housing problems, suffering of children, women, old people etc. etc. There are those that are good at analyzing these things brilliantly. Others become shrill or sage activists. Others panic, or are afraid, or get sad, frozen. I still get upset by all that but what I want to do is to try to do things that I can do instead of railing against those that I can’t.
In the Christmas card that Sœur Thèrése sent us, there’s a drawing of this angel in his stand in a Christmas market, proudly announcing that where he comes from, you can have everything. A customer approaches the angel and starts enumerating what she wants and says, “Okay I’d like some happiness, love, peace, a bit of success, a lot of …” “Wait,” the angel says, “here we only deliver the seeds.” Give me some good seeds and let me sow them in peace. And let me not worry about not being able to sow the seeds that I can’t.
This year’s seeds … I continue to be an animatrice (one of those French words I love), a volunteer teacher at English Club. I welcome the fact that I’ve fewer students this year. I’m able to give more attention to each of them, to give them more opportunities to speak and ask questions. I think I’m doing a better job this time because I’m preparing materials that suit their needs and demands more. I’m also a volunteer now of Secours Catholique (Caritas France). C has been one for sometime now, involved with social housing. Together with F (who, by the way, is our beloved English Club President), they were able to find homes for about 36 families! I’m proud of what they do; I’m proud of C, also because he doesn’t seem to realize how good he is. We’re going further into our Caritas connection by being in a team that’s working to define the needs, the ways in which we can help, in our area. So I don’t know yet how I can eventually help concretely. Truth to tell, I don’t mind doing things other than teaching – feeding people, visiting sick and old people, accompanying people with disabilities, helping, simply. E, our animatrice is one great lady, optimistic, intensely driven, profoundly good, and there’s that very good team spirit that tells me we can’t go wrong.
Our personal projects? Our house (endless, I know, but it doesn’t bother me as much as it did before. I’m enjoying our house as it is, anyway), more of what we enjoy - books, films, visits to museums, concerts, more cultural activities in Paris and elsewhere, trips. I want to learn good photography (C gave me books on that). C’s working on his short film projects and I help him. Both of us are now members of this film association of very good, dynamic, productive people. I’ve offered to do translations, subtitles for the member-directors’ films. I’m doing that with J and G. So much fun! That’s also a good way to improve my French. Speaking of language improvement, a friend asked me how my French is progressing. Oh dear, oh dear, it isn’t. Sigh. I’ve to do something about that, too.
I should be off but let me wrap you in love, my friend. Love to your mom and dad, the entire family. I miss you and often think of you. I hope we’ll see each other sooner than we both imagine.
P
I finished reading Geoff Dyer’s Jeff in Venice, Death in Varanasi days ago and I’m thinking back to it. I devoured it and I’m now haunted by it and I’d love to tell you why except I need time. I’m still savouring the aftertaste. There’s a line, though, that I remember: “It made me think that despite what I said about not being lonely here, it had been a lonesome time.” Can you believe that I cried reading these words?! Two things: Christmas (Think “faithful friends who are dear to us, (don’t) gather near to us!”) and hormones. Ha ha ha But seriously, don’t worry about me. I couldn’t have stayed morose, could I? I’ve been feeling good since the start of the year. My hands are full. Life’s good.
And you? How are you? I was so happy to read about that short, wonderful health update. Write me a newsy email next time okay? I’d be happier to get the details about what you’re doing now to keep healthy. Please?
This is probably the mildest winter I’ve experienced since I came here in 2005 and I’m grateful. Last winter was terrible. I remember the darkness descending upon us too soon in October. That was a winter too cold, too long, the grey always threatening to sink in my heart. This is “sweet winter,” indeed, and Ahem, global warming! I shouldn’t really be happy about this, right?
Well, so many things to be unhappy about. Every morning at breakfast, Claude almost unfailingly gets revolted by what he hears on the radio. Yes, he remains idealistic, passionate, high-minded and I admire him for all that. As for me, I’m often tempted to ignore today’s news. Reading about current events can get me all gloomy. You know, I still do it anyway. The litany of ugly things - corruption, injustice, general lack of concern for the environment, health care issues, housing problems, suffering of children, women, old people etc. etc. There are those that are good at analyzing these things brilliantly. Others become shrill or sage activists. Others panic, or are afraid, or get sad, frozen. I still get upset by all that but what I want to do is to try to do things that I can do instead of railing against those that I can’t.
In the Christmas card that Sœur Thèrése sent us, there’s a drawing of this angel in his stand in a Christmas market, proudly announcing that where he comes from, you can have everything. A customer approaches the angel and starts enumerating what she wants and says, “Okay I’d like some happiness, love, peace, a bit of success, a lot of …” “Wait,” the angel says, “here we only deliver the seeds.” Give me some good seeds and let me sow them in peace. And let me not worry about not being able to sow the seeds that I can’t.
This year’s seeds … I continue to be an animatrice (one of those French words I love), a volunteer teacher at English Club. I welcome the fact that I’ve fewer students this year. I’m able to give more attention to each of them, to give them more opportunities to speak and ask questions. I think I’m doing a better job this time because I’m preparing materials that suit their needs and demands more. I’m also a volunteer now of Secours Catholique (Caritas France). C has been one for sometime now, involved with social housing. Together with F (who, by the way, is our beloved English Club President), they were able to find homes for about 36 families! I’m proud of what they do; I’m proud of C, also because he doesn’t seem to realize how good he is. We’re going further into our Caritas connection by being in a team that’s working to define the needs, the ways in which we can help, in our area. So I don’t know yet how I can eventually help concretely. Truth to tell, I don’t mind doing things other than teaching – feeding people, visiting sick and old people, accompanying people with disabilities, helping, simply. E, our animatrice is one great lady, optimistic, intensely driven, profoundly good, and there’s that very good team spirit that tells me we can’t go wrong.
Our personal projects? Our house (endless, I know, but it doesn’t bother me as much as it did before. I’m enjoying our house as it is, anyway), more of what we enjoy - books, films, visits to museums, concerts, more cultural activities in Paris and elsewhere, trips. I want to learn good photography (C gave me books on that). C’s working on his short film projects and I help him. Both of us are now members of this film association of very good, dynamic, productive people. I’ve offered to do translations, subtitles for the member-directors’ films. I’m doing that with J and G. So much fun! That’s also a good way to improve my French. Speaking of language improvement, a friend asked me how my French is progressing. Oh dear, oh dear, it isn’t. Sigh. I’ve to do something about that, too.
I should be off but let me wrap you in love, my friend. Love to your mom and dad, the entire family. I miss you and often think of you. I hope we’ll see each other sooner than we both imagine.
P
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Star Light, Star Bright
The days leading to Christmas were punctuated by much longing for family, friends and all the delicious things that make up Filipino Christmas. On ordinary days, silence and solitude suit me perfectly, but come Christmas season, I’d usually miss everyone. And this last Christmas, I felt like I really needed to be surrounded by those I love and those who love me. I felt like I needed to be with them and celebrate with them.
Perhaps because it was a year full of things that just struck you dumb. The year was heavy with deaths and diseases and other unwelcome incidents. A few of my friends lost one of their parents. Our high school valedictorian passed on. A friend’s only child is undergoing treatment for cancer. The list could go on. We don’t forget these things even as we celebrate. Christmas is a gift, a balm to our souls. I wanted my grateful, hopeful, loving self to celebrate with as many loved ones possible.
I thought a lot about those who are no longer with us, those that are grieving, those that are sick, and those who have sick loved ones. I think that the lights of people who’ve gone ahead are not extinguished but are in fact kindled in the heavens. They become stars in our firmament. At least that’s how I think of my Mother and my brother. They’re just there, twinkling their love upon us, giving us hope.
Happy 2012! May we give more and need less! May the light be always kindled in our hearts in the face of the dark! May the New Year be bright with bliss, peace, love, hope!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
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